The benefits of regular Family Meetings

Healthy communication is arguably one of the key foundations of good family life. Yet it is often one of the first casualties of busyness, an overfull schedule, tiredness, or a lack of quality time together (aka fun and relaxation!)

Over the years, one of the best ways we’ve found to bring us all back onto an even keel is to have regular Family Meetings. We all know they work for us because at the end of every one at least one person will say ‘we should do this more often!’ or ‘I feel so much better!’

So, how do we run them and why do we try to prioritise them?

There are so many benefits of regular Family Meetings although they generally occur pretty spontaneously. They are often the result of a few 1:1 conversations either between us as parents, or between one parent and a child. If there are either enough issues that have been raised or need to be dealt with, or if there is general discord in our family rhythm and relationships, we’ll arrange for a Family Meeting as soon as possible.

With our busy evening commitments, this might not be for a few nights, but we aim to make it happen at the next dinner time.

All our Family Meetings have the same goal: to restore family harmony and to reset anything that needs reinstating or renewed focus. We’re all on the same page with this – the Meetings are a chance to deal with problems in a fair and reasonable way – no dobbing or malice are allowed!

Family Meetings are normally called because there are grievances that need to be aired, so it’s important to have some clear parameters to protect one another and to help each of us to speak with care and love. This helps to avoid hurt feelings or upset emotions.

We also want our children to understand the value of resolving conflict appropriately and thoroughly. The home is a good place to practice the skills required to communicate well with others and to stand them in good stead for their future relationships.

How we share with one another is more important than what we share and Sam and I are quick to step in and provide clarity or support during the conversation if necessary.

Our Family Meetings have always taken on the style of a forum. We have some basic guidelines that we all agree upon:

When I know we’re having a Family Meeting, I’ll try to make sure we have dessert that night… after all, it’s always better to be in high spirits before a tricky conversation! We normally eat the main meal and towards the end, we’ll start the Meeting.

Sam and I have also used Family Meetings as a time to introduce a new routine or to get the children on board with a new idea (or an old one that’s fallen off our radar!) Over the years this has been a new chore system, habits we’ve noticed everyone has started to get away with, or a general laziness. Coming together to discuss things in a safe, supportive atmosphere really helps to reset how everyone is feeling, too.

I think Family Meetings are also a great way to model healthy conversations and conflict resolution. Each person is a unique individual and yet, in a family unit, we need to work as a team and learn how to get along, day in, day out! This is especially true in a homeschooling environment (and a very small house!) where it can feel like we’re on top of one another with very little space to ourselves. Having a format in which we can ALL be honest about how we’re feeling also means that niggly behaviours can be nipped in the bud before they develop into habits that are much harder to break.

Finally, we end our Meetings by praying together. We ask the Lord to help us all to remember what’s been said and to be willing to change our behaviour if necessary. This helps to finish things positively and it’s a good reminder that we’re all in this as a family.

While there are many things that we struggle with as parents and in our relationships with one another, Family Meetings have become part of our family culture and a ritual that serves to keep us on the same page through the different seasons and stages of life.

Do you have Family Meetings? What are some other strategies that you have to keep your family well-balanced?